should have been there

(should) have

been there

should('ve) been,

there should've

(been) there

should've been

(there) should

have been.

the (h)aunts me. the word should be there, but now it leaves, now it returns. who told it where to go. i didn't have the nerve to ask it to come back. didn't have the nerve, did not, have, the nerve. should is showled is should again.

paralysis

he (jesus) cursed them with a forgotten grave

you believe you already live there.

feeling towards the light,

floor, sawdust, oil and nails

at least here I am safe

the forest is blind to me

the room makes no motion

this is a grave, but I know it is a grave.

my hands can feel the lack of space. my fingernails the atmosphere.

but at least i know. and nobody cries over a forgotten grave.

There is nothing seen, nothing smelt, nothing felt, nothing tasted.

The ice cream truck is outside, the familiar strain strikes me

Particularly peculiar.

yet nobody cries over a forgotten I am so lost in here. and I wish.

blood drives from my veins as a melody drives me in a direction I hope is forward.

rain, rain, rain, rain, rain.

there is a leak in the ceiling of my forgotten tomb.

blood drives from my veins as a melody drives me in a direction I hope is forward.

yet nobody laments a lost tomb.

and I wish.

it's official, I'm losing my mind

it's official, I'm losing my mind. It packed up its bags this morning and said,

i just don't feel like this is working anymore.

sad day.

it's not you, it's me.

dang straight it's you. my mind has been crying for the past three weeks about how i never listen, never seem to be trying to make this thing work out, and I've been trying to make it see. brought it flowers, a nice red bouquet of roses. Now it's lying to me, and leaving.

i just feel like we've grown apart.

if by growing you mean you've stabbed a wooden stake in my forehead, that's a fair assessment.

i'll call in a couple of weeks once i've found a place to live.

as if that makes it better that somehow my ability to reason has found a more stable home than me.

i think that maybe we should have gone to counseling.

you and me both. this was suggested months ago by my spinal chord (cord? maybe that's why it hates me, never could spell its name right), but we (mind and myself) were too busy drinking coffee and staring coldly at a table pretending everything was ok so that the extremities wouldn't notice.

take care of the toes for me

they always were your favorite. you liked those toes more than anything else in the world. don't know what you saw in them. maybe if you hadn't spent so much time on the toes, we could have worked this out. I could have started working out more. I realize that I've let myself go, but I eat because I'm depressed, and I'm depressed because I eat (and because you don't even have the time to tell me good night.).

i'll send a post card.

love hurts

am i really that obvious

i'd like to think so, but i'd hate for you to see

crushed beneath

you're beautiful, 

falling under,

smile out loud,

unrequited love hurts.

it's a sunny day in hell

a glimpse becomes a glance

and all euphoric wonder(sy)

broke i feel, i'm requiting your pain, I'd hate for you 2 be

crushed beneath

you're beautiful, 

falling under,

smile out loud,

unrequited love hurts.

a hollow light

is it raining
and I could stand here and be the one that no longer thinks of anything
are you standing there
and we could be standing for what feels like an afternoon
is it warm outside
and this could be walking like all the false pretenses I've held about
let me,
hold your hand
peace be still and there
's never enough for me
i hated to give
frozen in anger there
giving in with
a hollow light

take it back, take it back
you don't really love me
take it back, take it back
those tears that you're cryin
burning your side, let me

hold your hand
peace be still and there
's never enough for me
i hated to give
frozen in anger there
giving in with
a hollow light

drifting

So many places that go

here, here , here , here ,

is that anyway to treat a friend

how do you live without

smile that failed expectation

grasp that failed excitation

take it all out, and in the end and the in between

it feels like drifting.

outside

outside (windows and frames, light shattered on the sill)

There inside

once more, once more, once again,

and fallen.