101 ways to pretend

So this is me writing  for what I hope

I get confused by the wants inside me

Lost with things

Things

intellectually I don't care for

Never cared that much

So badly do I wish 

I am a poor wisher

My head, my life, were straight

My heart, my soul, confessed

Configured to pretend that I know

With a single sideways glance and a short conversation

the world comes crashing

Love once imagined

receives a thrashing

And now the voice,

once emboldened,  twice recoiled.

twice forgotten

Once remembered

the world comes crashing

Let me see the face

the world comes crashing

and her eyes spark. 

The world

and I'm too afraid

comes

to even move

The world

The two things:

Comes

myself,

Crashing

inexpressible you,

post

All the things that go through my head, never said.

processing.

.

..

...

I'm confused about life. 

ideas

cell for solitary confinement in the library

time traveling/fossilized pants

The Relic

" When my grave is broke up again

some second guest to entertain

(For graves have learned that woman-head

To be more than one a bed)

And he that digs it, spies

A bracelet of bright hair about the bone

Will he not let us alone,

And think that there a loving couple lies,

Who thought that this device might be some way

To make their souls, at the last busy day,

Meet at this grave, and make a little stay?

If this fall in a time, or land,

Where mis-devotion doth command,

Then, he that digs us up, will bring

Us, to the Bishop, and the King,

To make us relics; then

Thou shalt be a Mary Magdalen, and I

A something else thereby;

All women shall adore us, and some men;

And since at such time, miracles are sought,

I would have that age by this paper taught

What a miracles we harmless lover wrought.

First, we loved well and faithfully,

Yet knew not what we loved, nor why,

Difference of sex no more we knew,

Than our guardian angels do;

Coming and going, we;

Perchance might kiss, but not between those meals;

Our hands ne'er touched the seals,

Which nature, injured by late law, set free:

These miracles we did; but now alas,

All measure, and all language, I should pass,

Should I tell what a miracle she was." 

-- John Donne

the cold

Never did feel the cold until I saw the snow.

Never did I feel the rain until I saw your gaze pass over me.

guess I wasn't there.

wonder why you forget.

wonder why you don't see.

Now shivering and towels can't warm the frostbitten parts.

sneezing and tests

It's getting cold in Iowa.  Today I ate lunch and it snowed.  Sometimes life is like sneezing big.  There is something, up there.  Something in the nasal cavity that is irritating you, making you sneeze.  and then all your phlegm comes out all over your hand and you try to wipe on the bottom of the chair, or your sock, you know you do.  If you are in a good spot, you have a tissue or a restroom you can duck into and wash your hands.  If you're like me, everyone is gonna know you sneezed.  If you are like some people I know, people in the next county will know you sneezed.  It's nice to see someone sneeze.  It is comforting because in that moment, you see their (1) humanity.  

(1) I guess "his" or "his/her" is more proper, propriety is in my nasal cavity.   

smoke

Every time that I think of you, a spark flies from my mind.  Radiance of even thoughts that glow from the dying embers.  

Adrian Brody

I can feel the onions stinging my eyes.  Vicious, those little guys are.  Got to make certain I don't rub my face.  Jalapeno and onions and chili powder hurt when they get in your eyes.  I have a friend who is a doctor who said sometimes they have to treat people who cut up hot peppers because they forget to not rub their eyes.  Seems like a bad deal to me.  but a tasty deal.  that is if you get to eat whatever it was.  that is, if it didn't go bad before you get home from the hospital.  Hospitals are weird.  They are one of the only places that it is legit to be depressed when business is good.  I have another doctor friend who is always praying that he'll be out of a job.  i.e. he hopes every stays healthy.  I hope that too, but I wonder what he's gonna do when/if/when that happens.  probably he'll play guitar.  

Sometimes I'll let an email or message sit for a while.  'specially if I know what it says.  That way I won't forget to answer it.  

good night.

the sun fell asleep

The sun fell asleep a little early today.  It forgot to wrap itself quite well enough in its asbestos blankets.  Can't really blame it, asbestos is kinda itchy.  Like wool, but for stars and planets and such.  That is what Venus and Mercury wear when they sun bathe.  Tricky thing about being a planet, you only can sunbathe half of yourself at a time.  I guess everyone has that problem.  I've heard mercury is close enough to the sun it doesn't get to turn over to much.  Must be pretty tan by now.  Mercury feels pretty good about itself with winter coming soon I'm guessing.  'cept I bet it must have codependency issues since it hangs out with the sun so much.  Anyways, the sun went to sleep a little early, and it forgot the blankets.  Near caught the whole sky on fire, but for the moon heading it off.  The moon is responsible like that.  As I was driving back to Iowa today, I saw the coals still burning before the moon felt good enough to come out for the night.  After the moon tucked the sun in a little better the clouds stopped freaking out and cooled off.  We all went to bed listening to Steppenwolf and jazz versions of Beatle's songs.  I got to be the designated driver for the evening, though, since the clouds were all asleep and the moon was fire fighting and the asbestos sheets could give me lung cancer or something.  Which is why I'm still awake to write this.   ()  ,   ; :   .  That sentence was empty.  Shame, with all that punctuation it could have been dang good.  

my mind is gone

Your mouth is moving, so we must be having a conversation.
There is a paper in front of me, so I must be reading.

What were we talking about? I just read the same paragraph three times.

Life is an insect that crawls into my head and squirms around until I can't think.

do you ever sleep, and will you let me?

I know you are there waiting for me.

I can't tell if it is me or you that is in the dark

you are still there waiting for me.

Frantically I run back, forth, too, fro. 

All while trying to pin down an exact definition of fro.

you are still there waiting for me,

and I'm scared to let go of the sound,

I'm scared to stop pouring out.

I might be empty, you might still be there

What will you pour in.

Will you pour more empty and let me drown.

scared of what is there where I cannot see.

you are still there waiting for me.

the tide falls

the tide falls

the melody grows old

and worm filled logs fall in the forest.

The steam rises as ghosts from the mold

and the tide falls

the tide falls,

pride is sitting like old ironsides with it's guns above the waterline.

the tide falls,

and pride is sitting like old ironsides with it's guns above the waterline.

the steam pulls away from the underpinnings 

shipwrecked love tries to save bitter pride.

shipwrecked love is bitter pried.

On the other side

COPYRIGHT 2008 WILLIAM S. MONROE

filled

oh dear God please,

give me your wisdom.

why is the door that I need to go through shut?

why is open door the wrong way.

why is the easiest path not the best?

why do I not have a burning desire to walk through the open doors.

thank you for the desire to burn down the closed doors.  or at least check to see if they are unlocked.  make me thirst for you.  make that which you have for me irresistible.   my fists are still clenched, help me bring them open before you.  open my hands that I might be emptied of myself.  filled.  give me rest in you.  do not forsake me, and let me demonstrate your power to this generation.  kill my stupid pride.  filled.

filled

the train of thought

(note: the following post may be depressing and/or disorienting) 

the train of thought turned into a stream once.  

then it slowed to a trickle.

the meter of life slowly drops down low enough to read it,

just in time to let me know what that means.

I am the worst of all men, but I don't believe it.

I believe it all too well, and it freezes me.

There is nothing I can do, my fists keep clenched,

and my, hard, head, keeps bending down to charge the line.

There is nothing I can do, and helpless carries more meaning than I can say.

Hands other than mine are reaching in and changing the workings

There is nothing I can do, and helpless carries more meaning than I can say.

Is there a point? or is this just one of those times that doesn't, and won't, make sense?  futility.  I'm better than anyone I know.  Now that I believe, but I shouldn't.  I'm better than anyone I know.  Now that is a lie.  dirty lie.  and helpless carries more meaning than I can say.  

There is only one thing that can make me sane again.  my head knows what that is.  

still playing catch up.  my family is broke.  thankful for hope.  

like a sunburnt goth I live in denial of everything hopeful in this world, but some of my greatest pain seems to reveal my greatest need.  

classy

So today some of my friends organized a free hugs campaign.  We stood in the middle of campus and held signs that said "free hugs."  That was fun.  

Blogging in class?  How dare I.

He walked into class.   Never seen someone walk into class before.  It's like that purple cow thing.  In this case, a few strides previous, he had no class.  No sense of cool.  No reason for respect.  Within a meager few, class was his in a way that was indefinably classy.  

a psalm

Bless the Lord, oh my soul.

Bless his holy name.

In my waking and my lying down

Bless his holy name.

Everything that is within me

Bless his holy name.

The breath in my breath 

Bless his holy name.

Sing his praises, oh my soul.

Bless his holy name.

Glorious, inexpressible, you.

Everything I need, even that which escapes me

That is what you provide

Weight incomprehensible, you.

That which escapes me.

The mirror in the back of your brain

The mirror in the back of your brain shines for anyone.  They can see into your eyes and through your skeletal grey matter and stare right back at themselves.  They can smile and receive the smile again.  You take the mirror out in the mornings to clean when you brush your teeth.  Baking soda and elbow grease and then put it back in.  But today you had run out of baking soda so you just ran some hot water over it and used a little hand sanitizer.  It didn't feel quite as fresh and the suds from the hand sanitizer (the little one) still scrub the itch back there.  tickles a bit.  Well shoot dang.  And you keep the tele on.  and the stereo.  and a video from the world wide interweb.  

just. to. keep. from. listening.

wouldn't want to wake the neighbors.

and you're doing good, how's it going for you?

gotta remember to put baking soda on the grocery list.

It stoned me

Do you believe?

Is there smoke in your mirror

Hiding your view from the beautiful

Is there a blinder on your eye

Keeping an eye on that could be

Difficult, eyes they wander

Smoked to clearer 

morn of the mourner

bed of the bent

my father and his hands hold love.  I always love my father.

Nephews

Just gotta throw this out there.  My sister-in-law, Sarah with an h, has got my second nephew in her tummy.  His name is Ezra Steel (he is totally gonna have superpowers).  This will be a second excursion into unclehood for me.  Ezra's cousin, Augustine John (he's 'strong like bull' to quote his dad), was born about a month ago.  Right before school started pretty much.  These little people (I would call them short but for the political incorrectness.  Everyone knows that a babies' sense of political incorrectness is up there with its sense of love.) already have a future and a past.  I am excited for my siblings (weird word).  They'll be great parents.  I am excited to be a cool uncle that accidentally lights the house on fire.  I mean, no, why would I light the house on fire, I meant metaphorically.  Cause I'll show them how to play the guitar... or something.  

Something changed

Epic is something I only hope to achieve.

Epic is a life that I only dream of living.

Epic is the way I most definitely crash.

If the mark of an epic lead character is he (I use 'he' for brevity and to increase the bluntness of the point, effectively nullified by this long aside.  'he' = 'they'/'he'/'she') has one minor flaw that leads to the major plot points.  Achilles had a heel, Adam had pride, Aladdin had 'truth' issues, Peter Schlemiel was greedy, the Fiddler on the Roof didn't actually know how to fiddle to the best of my knowledge.  

Does that mean that with all our flaws, our story will be more epic?  What if I am insecure enough that I can't talk to anyone about what troubles me?  What if I am prideful enough that I suffer from the same?  

Like Plato said, "It was a wise man that invented beer."  Oh wait, that isn't related.  

I'll close my eyes, come a time

So sweet the mellow, come a time

Folded on my knees, come a time

Shameful, holding onto time, come a time

Exchanging the beauty of truth for something shiny

Maybe I got overly excited about something that ain't gonna happen any time soon, and really, the promise, the call was meant for sooner than that.  Or maybe I am an impatient fool.  Oh I've got it, the things in front of my face are the those things. 

Quiet yourself, this already hurt me; sometimes, to heal a wound you've got to get stuck in the arm with a flippin huge needle.  

I am blind and I can not see.  I don't even remember the times when I repeat my self.  The times I am redundant.  How many times do I need to fall down before I know what it means to just be carried.  I can't see if what I see is the hope that I had, or if what I see is a foreshadowing.  I get worried sometimes about the prophet God asked to marry a prostitute.  God increased his burden of love for her with every unfaithfulness.  I wonder sometimes if I am the prophet, or the prostitute.  Am I forsaking things I should embrace?  Or do I try to make up the mind of God, like Abraham and Sarah decide that what God really meant by a son was Abraham having a kid with the help.  Does God mean X and I am trying for Y just because I don't have a big enough view?

All I can think of is to pray that God would make his plans for me irresistible.

Thy will

be

done

Come away from the window - Distraction

He could feel his fingernails.  Generally they were kept short and orderly.  Considerably shorter than long, his fingernails pressed against the tips of his fingers and he noticed a dark gathering.  The elderly lady had appeared again.  “It’s time for my restoration therapy.”  said the elderly lady.  The young man listened.  “Don’t spend overly much time on your breakfast, once you are full be done with it.” she said.  She walked up the stairs, out of sight.  He placed the envelope in his jacket pocket once more.  One less distraction.  He could hear large, short yelps coming from upstairs.  It sounded like a martial arts demonstration.  

The air pressed on him, crushing his lungs.

The door to the outside was oak.

Knock the wind out of me

The last love that broken
Fool of thousand burnt, burdened
Breathless makes more sense
Sensed and percepted
Lifed a little much

Knocking the wind right out of me
Somehow thought enters the mind
The concrete presses down the line
Mistaken jade to breathe
Head down, I don't want to see
Crawl through meant to be
Knife to the bone
Needle the known
Sew me back and set me walking

The last love that broken
Fool of thousand burnt, burdened
Breathless makes more sense
Sensed and percepted
Lifed a little much

Somehow thought enters the mind
Knocking the wind right out of me
Mistaken jade to breathe
The concrete presses down the line
Head down, I don't want to see
Crawl through meant to be
Knife to the bone
Needle the known
Sew me back and set me walking


COPYRIGHT 2008 WILLIAM S. MONROE

odd one, that one

break a leg, she said, break a leg

knock 'em dead, she said, break a leg

shock them into a cardiac arrest, she said, break a leg

odd one, that one.

keep up your head, she said, keep up your head

just keep breathing; put one breath in front of the other, 

she said, keep up your head

stay with us, she said, stay with us, she said.

odd one, that one.

life

Maybe if I just could find the right combination of words, something big would happen.  Oh wait, no.  Life doesn't work that way.  

Why are things always so much harder than they seem.  Or at least they seem that way.

I feel like Kansas's wall is holding me back.  Perhaps as in the song, there is no wall.  I'm not there yet...

Why is it so hard to get up and get done things that I want to do.  Things that I need to do.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHk_Emakefg&feature=related

first day of class and sushi

mmm....

It was good good sushi.  I am excited, my nephew's baptism is this weekend.

Don't fall asleep too soon

Bright eyes, and strong like bull

Hold firm to the end, and when you find your end

Make the most of the life that is lended

For a brave little hand, be a brave little man

Grabs hold of your sleeve, a resting reprieve 

Wait to fall asleep again.

a good ham

It's all to easy to get caught up.

Being right all the time, being with it.

Sometimes, you just got to slow down.

Sometimes, you just got to pour a tall glass of chocolate milk, and eat a plate of ham. 

With a friend, even if you don't say anything.  Even if you just end up watching a bad tv show.  Well, maybe turn off the tv and just enjoy the company.  and believe me, it was good ham.

Rest now (lyrics to new song posted on facebook and myspace pages)

Let me brush away your hair, 

Kiss you on the forehead 

Before you go to bed 

Why do you sit there and stare 

Just one moment in my arms 

I have surely been blessed with you 

Close now your eyes 

Rest now, rest now  

Look up and let me see 

Deeply into your eyes 

I will never resting, sigh 

Until you are the death of me 

Just one moment in my prayers 

For I have surely been blessed, with you 

Rest now your eyes 

Rest now, rest now  

Let the anguish pass 

Pass on the water's crash 

Beside your sleeping bed 

The thought is much more rash 

Than letting the weary past 

Diving deeper into the arms 

We have surely been blessed 

Rest now your eyes 

Rest now, rest now 

Rest now, rest now 

Rest now

COPYRIGHT 2008 WILLIAM S. MONROE

www.myspace.com/williamsmonroe

http://www.facebook.com/pages/William-Stonewall-Monroe/6448878940

new hard drive!

Ok, so it probably sounds really nerdy, but I got a bigger hard drive for my 'puter (or shaft as I affectionately call it.  cause he's one bad mutha 'shut your mouth' talkin' bout shaft).  Short story long, this isn't nerdy.  sometimes you just need more space.  especially if you need it to think in when writing songs and making music videos.  I have a number of songs I need to write down and record, so hopefully in the next few days, something tangible will show up somewhere, I'll let you know...

stuff

There are so many things, so very many things, I wish I knew.

So many things, so very many things I wish didn't need a process.

So much time, so very much time before the future I hope for.

So little time, so very little time left.

Much to my dismay, could you carry me?

leading

The new RUF minister, Josh Vahle, asked if I would lead worship at his ordination service.  scary. scary.  Please pray that God would increase my ability and give me opportunity to practice these skills so that ultimately more people would come to know him.  I do not doubt that God has prepared me to do this, cause he is my Divine Dad.  And my Dad would not ask me to do something I couldn't handle.  Something I am scared of, yes.  Something that is uncomfortable, yes.  But something he has equipped me to be able to handle.  Cause my Dad is a king.  I want everyone to know my Dad.        

Come away from the window - Inability

He had hoped it was broken in any case.  His inability to cease his mind was an ever present member in the parade that his mind was becoming.  The elderly lady stood, agitated.  Seemed to be the way of her.  

"Is there any apple butter that I might use on the toast, ma'am?" said the young man.

"Apple butter! who ever heard of such a thing, young people..." she continued on and reached into a cupboard and pulled a glass jar into sight and onto the table.  "Thank you, ma'am." said the young man.  "Ma'am, you mentioned wizards." an idle attempt to break his conscience flow.  

Always the gracious hostess lacking in grace, she had left to calm her nerves.  No help then.  He tried thinking on the toast, only to realize that though the toast felt warm against his face, the grease wouldn't help his complexion, and toast would not occupy him.  With his head on the table, a parchment envelope fell out of his pocket from within his tweed suit coat.  He cleaned his face of crumbs and then reached down to pick up the envelope.  "Are you certain?  Is this what you want?" thoughts, and his pulse quickened.  He determined rapidly, that he wasn't, and he wasn't certain it was.  

what did the violins say

I don't know, but it broke me.

They don't really say much, but two hands picked me up and broke me in two.  Two pieces, with one wondering why it mattered, and the other just.  

                                                                                   just.

    

The hard concrete surface pushed down upon me.  

Chikina.

Glory.

Nothing within me has the wherewithal to stand.  

upcoming gigs

I am going to be playing at the mill in Iowa City on the 18th of August

and there might be an opportunity for me to play at the Java House( a coffee shop).  please pray for this and that I would be bold enough to pursue it and other playing opportunities.  Thank you and God Bless

This Road by Jars of Clay

Interesting song, just transcribed for a friend

In Open-D Tuning Capo II

 

Chord Legend (I don’t know the real names of these, the names are kind of correct, and hopefully correct enough to let you know what chords they are, but here is them tabbed out too.)

         D   G/D   Bmin   A   D(special)  A/D  Bmin7(1^st position)   G

1 -----0----0------0-----0------0---------0---------0----------------0--------

2 -----0----0------0-----0------0---------0---------0----------------0--------

3 -----0----1------8-----7------8---------7---------0----------------5--------

4 -----0----0------0-----0------0---------0---------0----------------0--------

5 -----0----2------9-----7------9---------7---------2----------------5--------

6 -----0----0------9-----7------0---------0---------0----------------5--------

 

D

 

              G/D D                           G/D D                          

All heavy laden acquainted with sorrow

D                          Bmin           A              D

May Christ in our marrow, carry us home

         G/D    D                              G/D  D

From alabaster come blessings of laughter

                     Bmin           A                    D

A fragrance of passion and joy from the truth

 

G/D         G/D         D         D

G/D         G/D         D         D  

G/D      D(special) A/D Bmin7(1^st position)        

 

 

D                  G/D D                         G/D D

Grant the unbroken tears ever flowing

D                               Bmin          A           D 

From hearts of contrition only for You

D                    G/D         D                             G/D           D

May sin never hold true that love never broke through

D                        Bmin            A         Bmin

For God's mercy holds us and we are His own

 

(D 2^nd Time)                G   D                           G                  D            

This road that we travel, may it be the straight and narrow

                  G               Bmin         A  Bmin A            D

God give us peace and grace from You, all the day

                  G D                      G           D

Shelter with fire, our voices we raise still higher

                  G               Bmin     A  Bmin A                  D

God give us peace and grace from You, all the day through

Do you believe in magic?

"I believe in music the way some people believe in fairy tales." -- August Rush

There is something fundamentally ungraspable (not a word, but now it is, boom that just happened) about good music and good friends.  I have a few friends that I get to share a magic connection with.  I don't know why it is them in particular.  For instance, I have a good friend that every now and again we get together and just play.  We set up a guitar, a bass, and the piano, and just play.  It is hard to explain it pass that.  It is something very hard to explain to people, but it's awesome, kind of like a really deep conversation with an old friend.  You feel refreshed and connected.  Well perhaps that is the best explanation.  When this particular friend and I get together, we talk.  No words, unless there is singing, but there is joy found and expressed, hard times uncovered and dealt with.  And at the end of it all there is a happy feeling inside, and a smile on the face.  Lif is a fairy tale for me, one that I get to take part in.  Not a "happily ever after" kind of tale, but one with ups and downs and unexpected turns.  No matter how messed up things are around me, I am still just happy to be an extra. 

Come away from the window - Reverie part 1

"Come away from the window, young man, there are wizards out there." said the elderly lady that the young man had been staying with for about a week now.  She wore her hair like it was a crown, obviously proud of its thickness, for she was elderly enough to get away with calling the young man, 'young man.'  "Fifty years of age, and still young," muttered the young man, smiling just a little, and shaking his head. 

"Yes ma'am," said he.  

"Wizards of the nasty sort." said the elderly lady, "Come now, sit down and have some toast."  He hadn't eaten toast for at least a year. 

"Yes ma'am," said he.

The young man took off his hat and laid it in the windowsill, it was far broader than the windowsill at home.  He turned from the window, eyes turned down, glanced up for a moment to take in the room and his relative position in it.  Subconscious mind directed him to a stool and pulled him up close to the table.  

Eyes were open but not seeing.  Peering into them revealed a wall, difficult to move past, especially now.  But the gears that turned within him binding him in thought could distantly be heard.  They sounded like silence.  Locked in a room with no noise of any kind except the hiss of atoms bouncing off of eardrums.  His reverie was broken by the crunch of toast between his teeth and crumbs falling down onto his shirt.

The Flood Relief efforts

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3272/2606125284_b7fd02120b.jpg?v=0

During the flood of 2008, I have been fortunate enough to live in a house on a hill.  The damage to Iowa City and Cedar Rapids has been awful, and apparently, most of the major "first responders" like Red Cross, FEMA, etc. are getting out of town.  "Done" they say or some such.  Just a little problem though, most of the actual damage has not been addressed, and local laws have not been that helpful either.  There are some groups coming in to help, despite these difficulties.  Personally, I am excited about the Presbyterian Church in America's (PCA) Disaster Relief efforts.  I was able to meet the man in charge of setting it up, and the church I attend will be the base of operations for the teams coming into town.  I hope to get involved with supporting those teams!  The first team comes this week.  May they bring relief and joy to heal pain and darkness.  

Praise be to God, all glory to the Most High.  Grateful for his love and mercy, here I am.

go cubbies

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/notebook?page=bbtn/takemeout

just before bed this came out

what am I doing here

still staring at your photograph

what am I trying to feel

Or make you out to be someone

I've never known you to be this past

I've never seen you be so obvious

talk me down

I don't understand

the meaning of it all

it all is a vague notion 

I don't understand

the meaning but just a little

subtlety a finer thing than I've ever had

never could but if I would, would that I'd had

enough of everything

to know that I don't know

I know that I don't know

talk me down

I don't understand

the meaning of it all

it all is a vague notion 

I don't understand

the meaning but just a little

missed your voice

but not my choice

your sweet melody 

always comforts me

am I tied down or did I just 

chain myself to a conception of my own reality

talk me down

I don't understand

the meaning of it all

it all is a vague notion 

I don't understand

the meaning but just a little 

devon allman was awesome

Sometimes when I look at the clouds, I have a hard time believing that they are for real.  Perhaps it is because of all the "digital paintings"  in the backgrounds on new movies.   The digital paintings are getting good enough now that they are looking more true to life.  It causes even more awe within me when I look to the sky.  Especially when the clouds are varied. cumulo...cumulo nimbus, stratus stratus.  Actually, I don't know cloud names...  The large fluffy ones look like rolling white hills, but from the ground you just get to imagine what is on top. The skies shutter speed is a little slow for some clouds such that they are blurred across the sky and focusing on them is rather pointless, but I still attempt it anyways.

anyways might not be a word, but I like it anyways.

devon allman

So I am really excited, Devon Allman (the son of Greg Allman of the Allman Brothers) is playing in Iowa City tonight!  He is quite a good guitarist from the album I have of his.  I'll let you know how it goes!

talking into a bucket, day 2

per my cousin's valid chastisement, here is episode two of the new saga.  

I am sitting in my room listening to some Leo Kottke still trying to find where my voice has gotten off too.  (Now there is an example of a to(o) I don't know what to do with).  I am contemplating the epic turns my life might be taking.  Specifically my creative life, but all in all the whole thing.  Recently, I have been having an urge to write some actual story type things.  Science fiction, or just plain weird.  I have written/am writing gnome stories for the entertainment of a friend, but this is something distinct from that.  Engineering is fun and all, but I am trying to figure out (I guess I always am) how the other stuff I do will play out.  If I get something fairly complete written in the story department, I'll have to show it to those who care.  

I am in process of working on a lullaby in song form still don't quite have all the words down.  I'll let ya'll know when/where it gets posted!

This wounded song

Every time I lose my voice I wonder: Is it a lesson?  is it a maturing experience?  is it random?  or is it simply a providential but temporary rest for those around me who are easily annoyed by the persistent hum of an excitedly arrogant me?  From certain angles, it might be on of these. Perhaps I need to learn the humility that comes with losing one of your favorite instruments. Perhaps.  Maybe I just really needed the solitude set forth by being mute.  Maybe.  People sort of stop talking to you after a while when they realize you'll only reply with a (what you hope is anyways) a roguish smile and a knowing head nod.  Or a shoulder shrug saying, I could tell you, but it hurts.  People.  

Probably it is none or all of these things.  As my daddy points out in the sunday school classes he frequently teaches, it is so very often not a question of either/or, and quite very often a question of both/and.  He also likes to say that in writing, the word very should be replaced by a cuss word and then all the profanity removed.  Probably he is right.  Probably.

And as my voice comes back I am certainly thankful for the homegrown honey that my distant cousins in North Carolina sent with us at the Family Reunion.  Ahh, honey-lemon tea.  

PS.  Kaitlin I will do better in the future to post more frequently.

untitled

In these moments of our lives, all we wish ourselves

were someone else

Wish there be a shell

A place, we could be.

In moments like these, all we beg release

Let me live please

Lift the weight of ourselves away.

 

The weight of me made more weighty

Feet planted firmly in the gravity

Were I less, I would blow away I

Were I more, then my pensive I

Would resolve more steadily my

Life held more readily,

But life comes not so easily.

 

Had I but one life to live, vielleicht,

Would I more able seem

But one balanced beam

Could it live within my reach.

Shoelaces tied together and now I've fallen down, someone come untie me, and help me up.

 

Stand before as it seems

Eyes have closed to dream

Stand there and reach out to me

 

Hold my face in your hands, and tell me everything, everything, is gonna be alright

Hold my face in your hands, and tell me everything, everything, is gonna be alright

 

won’t you just sit with me a while

won’t you just sit with me a while

won’t you just sit with me a while

please just sit with me a while

Please don’t say anything

Please don’t say anything at all

Please just sit with me while

 

Flooding

Iowa City is flooding, flodding?